Don’t Get Ready, Be Ready…
You Don’t Know Who You Are….
It’s almost a cliché to hear someone say, “We got married too young.” The truth is marriage and monogamy requires maturity not only age wise but also in personal development. Ideally when you join your life with another person you should have a handle on who you are, what you want, and what you need in a mate.
Keep in mind the answers to these questions are likely to change dramatically especially from the ages of 18-35. During your early youth it’s very possible all you cared about was having a hot looking girl with a great sense of humor. As you mature you realize there are other traits needed as well to have a real shot at marital success.
It takes a reasonable amount of time to formulate your own life philosophy. In addition to doing some major introspective thinking it’s also necessary for one to have a certain amount of general life experience that should include getting an education/training, selecting a career path, dating, and traveling.
Until you know who you are and have determined what it is you want in a mate in all likelihood your relationships will come as a result of happenstance, impulsive decisions, or flying by the seat of your pants.
Selecting a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. You owe it to yourself to make sure your decision comes from a place of awareness.
One of You Is In Significant Debt….
There is an old saying, “Romance without finance is nonsense” No matter how prepared one is a marriage is bound to have its share of challenges. However entering into a marriage with a ton of debt is a recipe for disaster.
Essentially you are starting your life together behind the eight ball. Many couples make the mistake of believing things will work out “magically” over time. Debt removal is something you have to be diligent about. Soon after marriage a lot of couples begin having children. The joys of parenthood come with a cost. In addition to purchasing food, diapers, and other assorted items you will need to have more money deducted from your payroll check for health insurance purposes. If you are going to have a two-income household there will likely be daycare expenses.
Mortgage, cars, furnishings, clothing, food, vacations, college funds for the kids and saving for retirement will be a challenge in and of itself but there are likely to be occasional emergencies and unplanned expenses as well. Ideally you want to come into a marriage as debt free as possible.
It’s Not Your Idea….
If you have to be “sold”, “persuaded” or given an “ultimatum” before proposing then you are getting married for the wrong reasons.
Many men propose simply because it’s what their girlfriend wants or “expects”. Some guys go as far as saying, “She’s earned it after all we’ve been together for…etc” Marriage is not some award you bestow upon a woman for time served. It’s not something to be decided upon impulsively, or by saying, “Why the hell not?”
There’s a good reason you have not proposed whether you are conscious of it or not. Generally speaking when someone knows what he wants he is decisive. All marriages should at least start off with both people wanting to get married.
She is pregnant or has given birth to your child….
You can be a great father without marrying someone you don’t love. Accidental pregnancies occur from time to time but there is no such thing as an accidental birth. Only the woman “has the right to choose” whether a couple becomes parents or not.
If you know the only reason you are considering marriage is because there is a child involved then you are not getting married for the right reasons. A marriage based upon “circumstances” rather than love is likely to fail. As Dr. Phil is fond of saying, “Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.”
You bore easily and constantly lust after other women….
One clear signal that you are not ready to “forsake all others” is if you are unable to keep your eyes, thoughts, and fantasies off of other women.
It’s a mistake to believe that marriage will “make you settle down”. I have known guys who really thought they could fool around with other women all the way up until their wedding day and suddenly change their ways by saying, “I do.” WRONG!
If your motto is “Variety is the spice of life” a monogamous marriage is not for you. There is no sense in wrecking your life trying to be something that is against your nature. Divorces are expensive and “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”
Trust me with over 7 billion people on the planet there are enough women out there who will have no problem with “no strings attached” relationships. A “real player” lets the women he dates know up front he has no intention of ever getting married.
It’s just wrong to allow women to get their hopes up for an “ever after” ending. Oddly enough there are lots of women who will be more determined to make you change your tune. However any heartache they experience is clearly on them.
When you do say, “I Do”….
Marriage is a very serious undertaking. You want to position yourself for the best possible chance for success. Selecting a “life partner” is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. People who fail to plan, plan to fail.
“Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” ~James C. Dobson
One man’s opinion!