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What makes a woman good in bed?


“Too much of a good thing is wonderful” – Mae West

Recently I was asked what makes a woman good in bed. Like most things in the area of attraction and pleasure the answer will vary from man to man. Whenever I’ve read articles dealing with (what makes a man) good in bed they normally start off with how he touches the woman, being gentle, kissing, foreplay, and his ability to hold back until she is ready to climax. Certainly all of the above are important however I believe it’s possible for two men to touch a woman, kiss, and fondle her in the exact same ways and yet she will have a different reaction to each. The reason for the difference is sex is said to be 75-80% mental.

How a person feels about someone, the chemistry they have with them, and the physical attraction all come into play. This is especially true for couples in serious relationships.

None the less there are instances where one can have mind blowing sex with someone they just met. Sometimes it can be attributed to pure animal magnetism and other times it simply comes down to the mood the woman is in or possibly it’s been so long since she had sex that the slightest touch would lead her to explode.

When it comes to men however there are slightly different things that place one woman above another woman. Please keep in mind there is no one answer and men vary just as much as women. Therefore the following will be in “generally speaking” terms and mixed with my opinion. I don’t profess to speak for all men!

What makes a woman good in bed???

She Loves Sex….

Anyone who loves what they are doing is usually good at it!

They are always keeping an eye out for new and different ways to rock their mate’s world as well as enhance their own experience. This may entail reading books such as “Tickle His Pickle“, watching adult films to steal techniques, or simply having discussions with close girlfriends to get tips. Simply put, they want to be the best and take pride in being skillful.

She Is Proactive With Regard To Reaching Her Own Orgasm….

The number one thing that makes a woman memorable to a man is his knowing he blew her mind in bed. I’m not talking about embracing the art of faking orgasms.

Essentially this goes back to her loving sex.

It’s difficult to love something without getting enjoyment out of it.

A woman who has explored her own body and knows how to bring herself to climax can pretty much guide any man that is not “naturally instinctive” in the ways of pleasing her.

“You can’t teach what you don’t know!”

A sexually proactive woman doesn’t simply lay back and leave things up to chance.

She will shift her body, get on top, and even manually stimulate herself during intercourse if the position they are in allows for it. This woman knows her man is going to keep thrusting until he climaxes and she is willing to do her part to make sure that she climaxes as well.

His body is her tool and she knows just how to use it to get the results she wants.

Men are turned off by overly passive women who lay on their backs and expect them to “make magic happen”. Great sex is not for the timid.

There are many women who mistakenly believe that the reason a man stopped calling is because “He got what he wanted”. However in many instances it’s just the opposite. The sex was boring! Nobody wants boring or “vanilla sex”!

A proactive woman takes matters in her own hands or mouth to get the ball rolling if necessary.

The number one complaint most men have regarding bad sex with women is they didn’t move coupled with an overall lack of passion and silence. (Queue the cricket soundtrack).

She Is Vocal…..

Sex in silence is a real buzz kill!

The only exception is if you’re being quiet to keep from being discovered. In this case it can be intensifying as you force yourselves to hold back your noises.

However for the most part sex without any moans, rapid breathing, screams of passion, body clutching tension, or naughty/four letter words of expression can seem like taking a walk around the block. Even if you’re not a moaner or screamer words of encouragement can enhance a session. “That’s it!”, “Keep it right there”, “Don’t Stop!” “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Hell, most guys would settle for having a woman pound the mattress, squeeze a pillow, or mumble inaudible sounds while turning her head from side to side.

Once again I caution you, this is not about acting or faking orgasms.

It’s about being vocally expressive when things do feel good.

She Flirts and Uses Sexual Innuendo……

Men love to feel desired too!

A woman who expresses she has sex on her mind during the course of the day is a real turn on. This can be done with a naughty voicemail or email indicating what she wants to do with him or reflecting back on something they have done the night before or at a prior time.

Some women give their partner’s penis a pet name which can be used in code during a conversation along with a pet name for her vagina. It can be as spicy as you want it to be or as tame as “Tell Johnny Tammy says hello”….or whatever.

The point is she lets her man know she is thinking of him in sexual terms and he is desired.

A man in love will work hard to continue getting that type of response from his woman.

She Surprises Him……

A woman who has a knack for doing the unexpected from time to time will easily separate herself from other women in most men’s lives.

Naturally it helps to know how open minded her man is.

This could range from wearing something sexy or nothing at all when he gets home to bringing toys, chocolate syrup, crushed ice, heat sensation lotions/jells, and adult board games to bed. Jumping in the shower to play in the suds or giving him unexpected oral pleasure while he’s watching television or doing some mundane task.

Booking a room at an adult/ romance themed hotel similar to The Sybaris or Essence Suites can make for quite a memorable time.

Practice Makes Perfect…..

Whether you are a woman or man the only way to become good or great at anything is to have the intention of being so. In the long run no one is great at anything by accident.

It all starts with having the desire and the willingness to put in the effort.

Naturally with each new relationship one becomes involved in the first few sessions will entail going through your standard “go to moves” based upon your past experiences.

No two people are the same.

However in a long term relationship or marriage one is presented with an opportunity to refine their skills to their specific mate. Given time you can learn what every sigh or body movement means guiding you towards your next move of deciding whether to tease or to please. Communicating desires and fantasies outside of the bedroom is just as important as giving queues inside the bedroom.

“Monogamy becomes boring when couples become lazy”.

Law of Reciprocity…..

You will know you have found your sexual soul-mate when they demonstrate the need to please you as much as you make the effort to please them.

The Way We Were…

It’s extremely difficult to let go of a “great sex partner” even if you know they are not right for you in many other ways.

Most of us have experienced at one time or another being involved with someone who was absolutely incredible in bed but we had sense enough to move on for various other reasons.

Unfortunately the memories of being with them linger in our minds and haunt us from time to time.

For whatever reason you may not end up in a “happily ever after fairytale” with the person you are presently seeing, but you can live on forever in their minds.

A great lover is impossible to forget.

“To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die”Thomas Campbell

One Man’s Opinion!

Written by

Kevin Darné is the author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). The book is about learning how to approach relationships with complete awareness, having realistic expectations, and using self-empowerment techniques. Kevin is also a Chicago Dating Advice Examiner for where he publishes articles offering advice in the tricky world of dating. In addition he is also a Continuing Education Instructor for School District 211 located in the NW Suburbs of Chicago where he teaches classes on "How to Find and Choose Your Ideal Mate" and "Avoid the Catfish! How to Date Online Successfully! Kevin is a frequent guest of radio and TV talk shows. You may follow Kevin on Twitter. @kdarnelovealert

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