Put Some FUN Back Into Dating!

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.”

To New Beginnings….

As I surf the web it seems like there are tons of articles and hubs being posted concerning dating. There are tips for women (How to know what he’s thinking, How to get a second date, 10 Signs He’s Into You, Why he didn’t call you for a second Date….etc) There are other posts that are geared towards men. (10 Things that turn women off, How soon should you call her after the first Date, 5 Ways to win over her girlfriends…etc)

It’s Just A Date

There seems to be a sense of urgency in the air, sweaty palms, and nail biting tension. Both women and men are caught up in trying to figure out a way to “impress” the other.

Some people actually become so “emotionally invested” in anticipation of the date as if one were already making plans for a wedding. They drive their friends crazy asking countless questions: “What should I wear?” “Where should I take her?” “Do you think I should wear my hair up or down?” “Should I go for a kiss?” and the all time classic “Does this dress make me look fat?”

There are people who actually lose sleep the night before and others actually become physically ill with stomach nausea. It’s just a date!

Keeping Things In Perspective

Maybe it’s an age thing or generational thing that’s causing the widespread panic with regard to dating. I can understand a couple of teenagers or even college age kids getting wired in anticipation of going out. These articles however are targeting grown men and women. I’m talking about people in their late 20s, 30s and even 40+.

I read one recent article offering divorced people “tips for dating again”. Depending on one’s age and the last time they were “in the market” there may have been a couple of new developments concerning online dating tools.

Dating itself has pretty much remained the same since the beginning of time. Basically it’s two adults who decide to spend some time together to learn more about one another. Either you hit it off or you don’t. That’s it! Dating should be FUN!

No one is asking you to decide on whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire.

You may not be “right” for them or they may not be “right” for you. So what, enjoy the evening and move on. It’s just lunch, dinner, a movie, a play, a concert, bowling, or whatever.

What have you really lost if there is no “love connection”? The worst thing that could happen is you will be in the same position you were in yesterday. Maybe you’ll have a hilarious story to tell your friends for years to come.


There are those who say. “Dating sucks” or “Dating is like interviewing for a job”

Ask anyone who is unemployed and they’ll tell you they’d rather be going on a date then going on a job interview! Your date is not going to determine whether or not you can make your rent, mortgage, car payment, feed or clothe your child, or have health insurance. It’s a disservice to compare your dating escapades to those who are seeking employment. At the end of a “bad date” your lifestyle remains the same. It’s neither better nor worse.

A woman recently left a comment on a blog stating, “Marriage is easier than dating because you don’t have to worry about how to (act) or be concerned with (impressing) anyone.” Dating doesn’t suck. What sucks is “Bait & Switch”!

People pretending to be one way in order to impress others only to reveal their “true self” after the other person is emotionally invested sucks big time.

Anyone who subscribes to the “treat new people in your life better than those who love you” has it backwards.

Be Yourself

Maybe dating wouldn’t “suck’ if you’d just be yourself right from the beginning. The stress level would drop way down if you weren’t concerned with remembering your lines or how to come off impressively.

It’s been said, “The easiest thing to remember is the truth.” You wouldn’t appreciate it if someone misled you into believing something they’re not.

Ultimately we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are.

Live In The Now

Whatever your relationship status is at the moment remember there are pluses and minuses. Not every married/attached person is happy and not every single/free person is unhappy. There will always be some people that will want to swap places!

There is joy to be had in being single as well as being attached. If you decided to spend the bulk of your time focused on what you have instead of what you don’t have then your life becomes more enjoyable.

Positive people attract and negative people repel others. Being desperate is not an attractive quality.

Just as banks are more likely to lend money to people who don’t need it so are people more likely to be attracted to others who are happy where they are.

A Few Reminders

If someone asked you out it’s because they were attracted to you. Most people especially in this day and age aren’t looking to spend their hard earned money on someone they have no interest in.

Don’t make dating a life or death mission to find Mr./Ms. Right.

Relax and be yourself because in the end that is who you are.

Never separate your mind from your heart when making decisions.

Have a good time….

Written by

Kevin Darné is the author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). The book is about learning how to approach relationships with complete awareness, having realistic expectations, and using self-empowerment techniques. Kevin is also a Chicago Dating Advice Examiner for Examiner.com where he publishes articles offering advice in the tricky world of dating. In addition he is also a Continuing Education Instructor for School District 211 located in the NW Suburbs of Chicago where he teaches classes on "How to Find and Choose Your Ideal Mate" and "Avoid the Catfish! How to Date Online Successfully! Kevin is a frequent guest of radio and TV talk shows. You may follow Kevin on Twitter. @kdarnelovealert

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