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“You Can’t Help Who You Fall In Love With….” Really?

“I know he’s no good but I can’t help but love him”

Love Just Happens….

I think it’s a very romantic notion to believe we have no control over whom we fall in love with. However in reality we actually have to say YES an awful lot of times before we become “an item” with someone.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

First there is a request to exchange contact information. A “No” here would stop things in their tracks. The next thing is agreeing to go out and spend some time together (Another “Yes”) This one here leads to future dates.

Eventually someone leans in for a kiss (Yes/accepts, No/turns head or pushes away. Another date is proposed (once again there is an opportunity to say Yes or No. Someone makes a sexual move (Yes/Accept) or (No/reject). You are told things and you must decide to (Trust/Yes or Not/No). Each and every time there was an opportunity to retreat by saying “NO” or move forward by saying, “Yes”, the person that “fell in love” elected to say yes.

“How Did This Happen To Me?”

At any given point saying NO would have stopped a relationship from developing. It’s amazing how people can say YES 100 times and when things go bad they act as though things just “happened” or it was beyond their control.

There is no escaping the fact that We Choose our own friends, lovers, and spouses.

If you want an apple but buy an onion instead, whose fault is that?It’s a waste of time and energy to curse the onion for not tasting like an apple.

We impulsively say yes to people who don’t possess the traits we claim we want in a mate. There really is no point in creating a “shopping list” if you are going to ignore what is on it and instead purchase the candy bars, gum, chips, and National Inquirer when you get to the cashier. Every friend, lover, or spouse who has entered into your life is someone you consciously said “Yes” to at some point. They didn’t magically fall out of the sky and land into your life. There was no, “It’s bigger than the both of us” moment.

You made a choice and if it turned out bad assume responsibility and then promise yourself to do better. You can “help who you fall in love with” by only dating those who fit your ideal criteria. Acknowledging “choice” is empowering!

Know thyself…

What it comes down to is a person has to know themself, what they want, and need from another person.Hopefully with experience comes maturity and wisdom to help the person stick to the items on their “shopping list” and avoid making “impulsive decisions”.

Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions.

The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart!

One man’s opinion!

Written by

Kevin Darné is the author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). The book is about learning how to approach relationships with complete awareness, having realistic expectations, and using self-empowerment techniques. Kevin is also a Chicago Dating Advice Examiner for where he publishes articles offering advice in the tricky world of dating. In addition he is also a Continuing Education Instructor for School District 211 located in the NW Suburbs of Chicago where he teaches classes on "How to Find and Choose Your Ideal Mate" and "Avoid the Catfish! How to Date Online Successfully! Kevin is a frequent guest of radio and TV talk shows. You may follow Kevin on Twitter. @kdarnelovealert

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